


State of Grace

by tablox



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-09
Packaged: 2017-12-31 12:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1031715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tablox/pseuds/tablox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-AFIN. Gabrielle has been grieving for years, but when she finds someone inexplicably linked to her lost soulmate, she will stop at nothing to release Xena from the torture she has endured.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Xena: Warrior Princess, so anything you recognize is not mine. If you don't recognize it (Dina, Karis, Gryta, etc.), then it is mine.
> 
> A/N: This takes place in an altered timeline, so no 25 year freeze and no Eve, but the same events happened and AFIN still happened. I also brought some characters back to life so they could help out.

Three years. One thousand ninety-five days. One thousand ninety-five times the sun rose and set. One thousand ninety-five mornings Gabrielle woke up alone. One thousand ninety-five times Gabrielle remembered she would never fall asleep or wake up next to her soulmate again.

Today was no different from any other. Gabrielle rose with the sun. She ran around the village until she felt like she would fall over, before she stopped at the dining hut to grab a light breakfast of bread and fruit. It was colder here than in Greece, so she went back to her hut and sat in front of the fire until she was warm again. Then she pulled her leathers down from their spot near the fireplace. Leggings went on first, then her undershirt, then the leather dress these Amazons favored during the cold months. Moving to the bedside table, she picked up her belt and attached it securely around her waist before placing her headdress over her freshly cut hair. Although she wasn't acting as queen here, they insisted she wear it as a sign of respect. Gabrielle sat on her bed to pull her boots on. Once they were laced, she began retrieving her weapons from their hiding spots. One sai was underneath her pillow, the other under the bed. The katana was hung over the doorway. Finally, Gabrielle went back to the fireplace. She moved a stack of blankets off the mantle. Underneath them, the final piece of her ensemble rested.

Gabrielle gingerly picked up the chakram. "Three years today, Xena. I still miss you as much as the first day," she said quietly before attaching the chakram to the hook on her hip.

Her morning routine may have been keeping her sane, but the council meetings she had been stuck in for hours were making her nuts. Usually Gabrielle would pay attention, offer up some wisdom; maybe make a few suggestions for changes. Today, though, all she wanted to do was take off and beat something up.

"Gabrielle?"

The voice of Thea, the head councilwoman, broke through her reverie.

"Yes- sorry. My mind was elsewhere. You were saying, Thea?" Gabrielle responded. She was suddenly sitting very straight in her chair.

Cyane, named as all the queens of this tribe before her, leaned across the table. "Perhaps you should take a day for yourself, Gabrielle." She patted Gabrielle's hand that was resting on the table. "We would all understand."

Of course they would. Gabrielle nodded and rose from her seat. She gave the council a slight nod and left the royal hut.

They all knew. Everyone knew that today was the day Xena died. The day her soulmate left this life. The day a piece of her own soul died. Although no tears came at the thought of Xena anymore, the pain of the loss was as fresh as the first day without her.

Without the council meetings for her to at least try to focus on, Gabrielle needed something to take her mind off things. As she walked through the village, no one approached her. Usually, the Amazons would greet her and ask her how she was or what was happening with the council. Some younger Amazons would beg her for staff or sai lessons, which she only occasionally granted. Today, though, no one spoke to Gabrielle. Today was for Xena, and only Xena.

Gabrielle continued through the village until she reached the armoury. After selecting a staff from the side of the small building, she made her way to the practice fields. It was still early in the day, so only the weapons master's apprentices were on the fields. Thankfully, Gabrielle's favorite field was empty. She leaned the staff against the fence and checked the practice dummies. Once she was confident the dummies were sufficiently stuffed, Gabrielle retrieved her staff and began her drills.

Some time later, Gabrielle threw her staff to the ground. She bent over at the waist, hands on her hips, while she waited for her breathing to return to normal.

"Wondered how long it would take."

Startled, Gabrielle straightened and spun around. "What?"

Dina, the weapons master, stood at the edge of the field. "I wondered how long it would take until the dummies were destroyed."

Gabrielle looked around her. Sure enough, the straw stuffing was strewn across the ground and only a few rags clung to each pole.

"Oh my, I'm sorry, Dina. I'll have them fixed by this afternoon," Gabrielle said, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

Dina chuckled. "Well, I appreciate the gesture, but dinner preparations have already started," she said. She offered Gabrielle a waterskin, which she gladly took.

Swallowing a mouthful of water, Gabrielle replied, "I didn't realize I had been out here that long. No one needed the field, did they?"

"No, and if they asked, I directed them to the other fields. I was afraid if anyone tried to interrupt you, I would have to carry them to the healer."

"Well, thanks. I needed to get out some frustration." Gabrielle squatted and started gathering the straw into a pile.

Dina knelt down next to her. She took Gabrielle's hands in her own, forcing her to stop. "Gabrielle, look at your hands." Sure enough they were trembling violently. "Go get some dinner, then ask Cyane for leave to sleep in the forest tonight. You know sleeping out under the stars always comforts you on these days."

Gabrielle looked at Dina. All she saw on Dina's face was compassion and understanding. Dina was her closest friend here. Her resemblance to Ephiny in looks and personality were part of why Gabrielle had felt compelled to trust her when they met. She took a deep breath.

"Okay. You're right, like always," she sighed.

Dina smiled at Gabrielle. "Of course I am. You know, I'll even leave this mess here if you want to clean it up tomorrow."

Gabrielle gave her a weak smile. "Well, if you happen to have an over eager apprentice, a little manual labor couldn't hurt them."

They stood and Gabrielle retrieved the staff. "This staff may be a goner," she said as she observed the frayed grips and the numerous dents and splinters.

"Eh, we've got plenty of 'em," Dina replied. Slinging an arm across Gabrielle's shoulders, she said, " Come on, toss it in the woodpile and let's get some food. You've got to be hungry."

Gabrielle's stomach growled in response, eliciting a small chuckle from both women. She tossed the staff in the pile behind the armoury and they walked to the dining hut in companionable silence.

When Gabrielle arrived in the Northern Amazon territory, only a few months had passed since Xena's death. She only spoke when absolutely necessary, and spent most of her time either beating inanimate objects into submission or repairing her weapons. If anyone approached her, she would ignore them or start screaming at them. She was volatile and unpredictable. No one dared to speak to her, except for Dina.

Dina would find Gabrielle on a practice field surrounded by broken staffs and the remnants of practice dummies. She would grab a staff or a pair of chobos and confidently walk up to Gabrielle, who never ceased beating the poles that usually held dummies. If Gabrielle ignored her, Dina would get in her way until she engaged Dina herself, all the while screaming at the top of her lungs. Once she had Gabrielle's attention, she would talk.

They would spar for hours while Dina told Gabrielle the story of her life. She never responded, but Dina knew Gabrielle was listening. She told her about her childhood, her mother, and other events in her life until she reached the story of Tara, her own soulmate. Dina described how they met when they were children and did everything together. She told Gabrielle how they fell in love and the happiness she experienced with Tara. Dina told the story of their joining ceremony, and how everything went wrong, but it was still the most perfect day of her life.

Tara and Dina had just decided to start a family when an intense battle broke out between the Amazons and some of the neighboring villages. As two of the best warriors, Tara and Dina were sent to lead the fight. The Amazons were about to win when Tara tackled a younger Amazon, taking an arrow to the chest that wasn't meant for her. Dina rushed to her side, but Tara had only enough breath left to whisper an "I love you" before she died.

For months after Tara's death, Dina ignored everyone and everything. She sank deeper into a depression until Cyane interfered. She literally smacked Dina upside the head and not-so-gently reminded her that if she continued to neglect her duties as weapons master she would be banished from the tribe. Dina told Gabrielle that Cyane's threat made her realize that she wasn't honoring Tara's memory by sulking and snapping at people. She needed to help the tribe, teach the younger Amazons, and make a difference. Living the way Tara would have wanted her to made sure Tara was remembered and it helped her grow as a person out of her grief.

When Dina finished the story, Gabrielle ended their sparring session and spoke for the first time to Dina.

"Thank you." It was just a whisper, and Gabrielle turned and ran from the field, but Dina knew she had broken through.

That day had been more than two years ago. Now, Dina and Gabrielle were close friends. Gabrielle didn't like talking to the others very often because they pitied her or they wanted to know about Xena. Dina didn't push her though, and she let Gabrielle talk in her own time.

As the pair approached the dining hut, Gabrielle turned to her friend. "I'm just going to get some food and leave. I don't really feel like sitting with everyone else."

Dina nodded. "I understand. Are you going to your usual spot tonight?"

"Yeah. Why, you going to check up on me?"

"Probably. I don't want you getting eaten or anything. Then who would repair the staffs for me?" Dina joked.

Gabrielle elbowed Dina. "Thanks. I'm sure you could find someone," she teased.

As they entered the crowded hut, Gabrielle instantly tensed up. Every eye was on her as she made her way toward the kitchen. The raucous laughter suddenly quieted to whispers. Gabrielle walked briskly to the kitchen.

"Some jerky, bread, and cheese to go, please," she said to the girl working the serving line. The girl gave her a wide-eyed nod before running to the back of the kitchen. The hut was still eerily quiet, so as soon as the girl returned with the bundle of food, Gabrielle made a break for the door.

She kept her pace up until she reached the Queen's hut. Two guards stood outside the door. As Gabrielle approached, they bowed their heads.

The guard on the right spoke. "I will tell the Queen you are here, Councilwoman Gabrielle."

Gabrielle nodded. "Thank you."

The other guard kept her head bowed as the first entered the hut. She understood that the Amazons were showing her respect by giving her room to grieve, but Gabrielle wished they gave her a little less room. At least then she could try to pretend everything was back to normal for a few moments. The guard returned and held the door covering open for her.

"Gabrielle, how are you?" Cyane asked from her throne. She set aside the scroll she was reading as Gabrielle approached her.

Gabrielle swallowed the lump that had abruptly formed in her throat. "I miss her," she whispered, her eyes on the ground. Suddenly, in the presence of her friend, the Queen, she had to force herself not to cry.

Rising, Cyane put her hands on Gabrielle's shoulders. "I know you miss her, you still can't talk about her. She was your soulmate. I haven't experienced a loss like yours, but I know that it takes a long, long time for these wounds to heal."

Gabrielle slipped back from Cyane. Taking a deep breath, she composed herself. She couldn't fall apart, not here, not now.

"Cyane, I would like permission to leave the village for the night. I won't go far, just out into the woods," Gabrielle said as professionally as she could.

The queen returned to her throne. "Of course, Gabrielle. I take it Dina knows where you'll be?" Cyane asked.

"Yes. She already said she'll be checking on me," Gabrielle replied.

The guard that had announced Gabrielle suddenly entered the hut. "Queen Cyane! I am so sorry for interrupting, but there is a messenger here for Councilwoman Gabrielle from Greece. She says it is urgent."

Cyane and Gabrielle exchanged a glance. Gabrielle shrugged. She hadn't set foot in Greece in years.

"Allow the messenger in," Cyane ordered the guard.

The guard nodded and left again. A moment later, a young Amazon entered. She was wearing typical Greek leathers, not unlike Gabrielle's old leathers. She wore a coat that nearly reached the floor, and her traditional bird mask was perched on the top of her head. It didn't have much decoration yet, indicating her recent entry into Amazon adulthood.

"My queens," the young Amazon said with a deep bow.

"There is only one queen here, and that is Cyane," Gabrielle corrected her.

"I apologize, but you are queen of my tribe even if you are not queen here, Queen Gabrielle," the girl replied.

"No, Marga was named Queen Regent when Ephiny decided to have another child and stepped down. I'm not queen unless something happened to Marga," Gabrielle said.

The young Amazon turned somber. "I think you need to read the scroll." She handed Gabrielle a scroll sealed with Ephiny's mark.

"What is your name, Amazon?" Cyane asked as Gabrielle retreated to the back of the hut to read the scroll.

"Oh, forgive me, Queen Cyane. My name is Leana," she answered. Leana removed her mask from the top of her head, revealing red hair tied back in a neat braid.

"How long ago did you receive your mask?" Cyane asked.

"Three moons before I left to bring the message. This was to be my first chance to-"

"Oh no, this can't be!" Gabrielle cried.

Cyane and Leana went to her side. "What is it, Gabrielle? What's happened?" Cyane asked.

"It's from Ephiny. She says that Marga is dead, that she was killed in battle. Ephiny is serving as regent, but she's pregnant again and she doesn't feel she can be both a mother and a queen to the best of her abilities. The Amazon who held Marga's rite of caste was also killed, so it's up to the council to decide on a new queen. They can't find anyone suited for queen that the entire council agrees upon, so they sent for me," Gabrielle explained.

"You should go, Gabrielle. This is your home, your sisters. They need you now," Cyane said.

Gabrielle turned to face her. "Cyane, I can't. I can't go back there, where I- where she- Cyane, it's not home anymore."

"Then make it home, Gabrielle. You have a duty, whether you like it or not. What would _she_ tell you to do?" Cyane pressed.

"Who's 'she?'" Leana asked. Cyane held a hand up to silence her.

Gabrielle knew perfectly well what Cyane meant. Xena would tell her to go, to do what she was good at, what she was meant to do. Gabrielle turned to Leana.

"I will go. I'll leave at first light. You've been traveling a long time. Stay here for a couple days and rest. You may use my hut while you're here," Gabrielle said authoritatively.

Leana was confused. "Shouldn't I go with you?"

"No, you and your horse have been traveling hard and fast. You need rest. I can manage by myself," Gabrielle told her.

Leana nodded. "As you wish, my Queen."

"We will miss you, Gabrielle," Cyane said.

"And I will miss you all too. Thank you for everything you've done for me these last few years, Cyane. I will never forget it," Gabrielle responded. "I'm still going to the woods tonight. Leana, I'm going to pack a few things, and then my hut is yours. Follow me there."

Cyane squeezed Gabrielle's upper arm. "Come say good bye before you leave."

"Of course, Cyane," Gabrielle smiled.

Gabrielle took Leana to her hut at the edge of the village. After packing her meager belongings into her saddlebags, she took her food and her bedroll, bid Leana good night, and headed for the woods.

She followed the stream through the forest, refusing to think about anything besides her feet on the ground. The sun was hanging low over the horizon, and the birds gradually quieted as the crickets began making their presence known. Gabrielle laid her bedroll out mechanically and took a piece of jerky from the bundle. She ate it without thinking before she realized that the stars were shining above her. She lay back on her furs, looked up at the stars, and started sobbing.

Gabrielle screamed and wept. She tore her headdress off and threw her weapons to the ground. She took the chakram in her hands. She had thought about it, ending it all using her soulmate's favorite weapon. It was poetic, wasn't it? Taking her own life with the one thing that was inexplicably tied to Xena's entire being? Something always stopped her, though.

"Why, Xena? Why did you have to leave me? I can't do this! I can't live like this anymore. You knew that our souls are linked, so why did you do it? Now I only have half my soul! How can I live with half a soul? Are you happy now, Xena? Were those souls you supposedly saved worth it? Were they worth leaving me? I know you can hear me, Xena! Tell me! Were they worth it? Tell me, Xena! Tell me!"

Gabrielle was screaming into the heavens. She knew no one would respond, no one ever would. Xena was gone. Dead. No longer here. Her bedroll wasn't laid out next to Gabrielle's, and she wouldn't sharpen her sword by the fire she started so Gabrielle could cook dinner. She wouldn't brush down Argo before laying down in her bedroll and pulling Gabrielle in close. Her soft snores wouldn't tickle Gabrielle's ear. She wouldn't wake up early to practice her sword drills or catch fish with her bare hands. She would never hold Gabrielle or give her those soft little kisses that no one ever suspected the Warrior Princess was capable of. She would never have a family with Gabrielle or make Gabrielle feel like the most precious thing on the face of the earth again.

Gabrielle curled into a ball on her bedroll, her food forgotten. She stared up at the stars she used to watch with Xena and cried herself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

"Karis! Get up! She's going to be here soon!"

A blonde whirlwind burst into Karis's bedroom. She started pulling leathers off a shelf and tossed them on top of her friend, who was hiding under her blankets.

"Gryta, the sun's barely up, and I was drilling with Cassia well after dinner," Karis complained. She pushed her leathers off the bed and propped herself up on her elbows.

"Queen Gabrielle is going to be here soon! You need to get dressed. Come on, I'll braid your hair. Where's your mask? Did you attach your new feathers yet? What about-"

"Gryta!" Karis interrupted her friend. She pushed her hair away from her face and sat up in her bed. "Have you even brushed your own hair yet? It's a rat's nest."

Gryta ran her fingers through her blonde curls. "Oh. No, I don't think so. But Queen Gabrielle-"

"Is not going to be here until lunchtime. Now give me twenty minutes to get ready and I'll meet you at the armoury," Karis said.

Gryta pouted. "Fine. But you better not be late!" She whirled out of Karis' room

"Brush your hair, Gryta!" Karis shouted after her. She shook her head. How Gryta had so much energy in the morning was a mystery to her.

Karis dragged herself out of bed and stretched to get the kinks out of her back. She removed her sleeping shift and pulled on the leathers Gryta had thrown at her. _At least she grabbed my favorite set_ , she thought. Karis made sure the straps that crossed her abdomen and lower back were flat and untangled the leather strips of her skirt. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and checked her reflection in the small mirror on her bedside table. Her hair was messy, but Gryta was better at braiding, so she left it alone.

Karis's weapons were on the shelf across from her bed. She laced her boots and tucked the boot daggers into the loops on the inside of her calves and her sais into the outside loops. She strapped her scabbard and quiver to her back. She removed her sword from under her bed and her arrows from under the table and put them in their places on her back. She took the last two daggers from under her pillow and slid them into the loops on the strap of her scabbard across her chest. Finally, she grabbed her chobos and mask from by the door and headed into the main room of the hut.

"Good morning, my well-armed child," Ilona, Karis's mother, greeted her.

"Hello, Mother," Karis replied. She kissed her mother's cheek and looked at what her mother was doing at the table. "Oh, you didn't have to mend that top, Mother. I was going to fix it later."

Ilona pulled a chair out next to her and gave Karis a plate of bread and cheese. "I know, but I'm your mother. I like to do things for you. Besides, we both know you're so busy apprenticing at the armoury and with me that you would never have time to mend it."

Karis swallowed her mouthful of bread and cheese. "Okay, you're right. Thanks for doing that for me."

"Aren't you supposed to meet Gryta soon?" Ilona asked.

Karis groaned. "Yeah, I should probably go. Thanks for letting the ball of energy wake me up, by the way."

"It's the easiest way to get you out of bed. What's the point of having a best friend if your mother can't take advantage of her extreme amounts of energy occasionally?" Ilona teased.

Karis rolled her eyes. "I better get going." She got up and started for the door.

"Don't be too serious, Karis. Have some fun!" Ilona told her daughter.

Karis smiled at her mother. "I will, Mother. Love you!" she shouted as she left.

She held her chobos in one hand and jogged to the armoury. Karis pushed the door covering aside and inhaled the scent of the armoury. It smelled of wood, leather, smoke, and sweat. Even though it wasn't an altogether pleasant smell, to Karis, it smelled like home.

"There you are, Karis. I thought Gryta was going to pass out from excitement when she got here," Cassia, the weapons master, greeted her.

"Yeah, she woke me up this morning. I don't understand why she's so excited. Gabrielle is just like every other queen, isn't she? It's not like she's going to be interested in training a couple of apprentices. She's here to govern the tribe, not mess around with some kids," Karis said. She set aside her chobos and picked up a staff that needed rewrapped.

"First of all, Karis, you and Gryta are not kids anymore. You're full members of the Amazon tribe. Second of all, Gabrielle is not just any queen. You've heard the stories," Cassia corrected her. She held out leather to fix the staff to Karis.

Karis took the leather pieces and set to work fixing the staff. "Yeah, well, I prefer to meet someone before I judge just how wonderful they are."

"You're too cynical for your age, Karis. Gabrielle won't disappoint you. Now finish that staff, then we can finish restringing your bow before you and Gryta start patrol duty," Cassia said before retreating to the workroom.

Karis sat at the table in the middle of the armoury, smiling to herself. She set to work on the staff, thinking about how she was secretly excited to meet the new queen.

 

* * *

 

"Gryta, for the last time, Gabrielle is not going to take any more interest in us just because we're the first to greet her, so would you please slow down?"

"Oh, is the great warrior tired? Maybe if you didn't carry so many weapons you could keep up with me!" Gryta called. She was in the top of a tree three over from Karis.

Karis rolled her eyes, and prepared to jump. In a leap and a flip, she was perched on a branch six feet directly above Gryta.

"Show off," Gryta mumbled through her mask.

All of a sudden, a rustling in the undergrowth caught Karis's attention. She looked in the direction of the noise, but she couldn't see anything.

"You know, you could be queen someday. You've got the skills-"

"Gryta, shut up. I heard something," Karis hissed. She held perfectly still so she could listen and observe as much as she could.

Karis was listening intently to the forest when something whirred past her ear. Through her mask, she saw the glint of something silver bounce off a tree and come straight toward her head. Out of instinct, Karis's hand snapped out and caught the object.

As soon as she touched it, a barrage of images filled Karis's mind. She saw a tall, dark-haired woman with eyes much like her own look down at a baby in her arms, pain clear on her face. Karis felt the intense sadness radiating from the woman, and it made her heart clench in way she had never felt before. The same woman pulled a blonde girl onto the back of her horse. Her annoyance at this young girl's persistence made Karis almost want to laugh, but she was paralyzed. Then the women were being crucified in Rome. The way they looked at each other and the immense pain, both in their bodies as they were nailed to the wood and in their hearts as they realized their lives were coming to an end, forced Karis to double over as the intensity of the moment washed over her. Next, the two women were lying next to each other near a campfire, naked and blissful. Karis knew this was something that was not meant for her to see, but the love coming from the women was so pure, so beautiful, that she couldn't help but admire it. Finally, the blonde woman cried as she tried to pour ashes into a stream, but her dark-haired companion stopped her. Their grief was palpable, and Karis knew this was the last time the women were together in this world. As fast as the images came to her, they were gone.

Karis shook her head to clear her mind. She looked at the object in her hand for the first time. The chakram of the stories. She swiftly removed her bow from her back, hung the chakram around her wrist, and jumped down from the tree. Gryta, confused as to what just happened, drew her sword and followed her friend.

Karis had an arrow knocked before her feet hit the ground. "Who goes there?" she shouted into the forest. She pulled the bowstring to her cheek and looked into the trees.

A small blonde woman emerged from the forest with her hands over her head in the sign of peace. Karis knew who she was as soon as she saw her face. She was the blonde woman in the visions.

"I am Gabrielle, Queen of the Greek Amazons," the woman said. Karis let the bowstring relax and put the arrow back in her quiver. The chakram was still around her left wrist. She dropped to her knees.

"I am so sorry, my Queen. We weren't expecting you until later today," Karis apologized. Gryta also knelt and bowed her head.

"Rise, Amazons. You were just doing your jobs," Gabrielle said.

Karis waited for Gryta to say something, but she seemed to have lost her voice, so Karis spoke up. "Would you like us to escort you in, my Queen?"

"That would be very nice, but first, I believe you have something of mine," Gabrielle replied, gesturing to the chakram.

"Oh, of course." Karis reluctantly handed the weapon over, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

"Did you catch this?" Gabrielle asked, holding the chakram up.

"Yeah, I guess I did," Karis replied.

"She did! I saw it," Gryta finally said. Karis shot her a glare to tell her to stop talking about it, but her mask made that difficult.

Gabrielle looked intrigued by this. Karis knew that the chakram was supposed to be very difficult to use, but she had caught it on pure instinct. So there was no reason for Gabrielle to question her on it. Right?

"Please remove your masks, Amazons," Gabrielle ordered.

Gryta and Karis complied, pushing their masks back to hang behind their heads. Gabrielle inhaled sharply and stepped toward Karis. Slowly, she reached out to touch her face.

"Xena?"

 

* * *

 

They called it "retribution." Torturing Her soul to make up for what She put the forty thousand through. But they were wrong.

She thought being dead meant She wouldn't feel pain anymore. She thought She could take Her place in whatever underworld She ended up in and wait to return to Her soulmate in peace. She was wrong.

"Are you ready, oh Destroyer of Nations?" The disdain in Her captor's voice was sickening. He stood over Her in the tiny cell, trying to intimidate Her. It was working, but She would never show it.

She lifted Herself off the floor to stand. It took all of Her energy not to collapse, but She managed to maintain Her balance enough that She could spit at his feet.

"Whatever you say, oh Lord of the Living," She replied with as much sarcasm as She could inject into Her weak voice.

Her captor, the Lord of the Living as he called himself, uncoiled a rope and bound Her hands. Angry red scars circled Her wrists from the countless times Her hands had been bound before. The Lord of the Living yanked on the rope, forcing Her to follow him.

He dragged Her to a cell much like the one She had just left. A guard fastened the shackles on the wall around Her ankles and took hold of Her arms while Her captor untied Her hands and lifted Her arms above Her head. He made sure the cuffs around Her wrists were tight, ensuring they would make the rope burns worse. When he was finished, he laughed and spat in Her face.

"Enjoy, Destroyer of Nations!" he laughed as he and the guard left.

She knew what was coming next. This torture was supposed to remind Her that She was no one anymore. She had no identity. She had a name, of that She was sure, but She could never quite remember it. Here She was only called the Destroyer of Nations in the most sarcastic, unapologetic, derogatory manner possible. Despite Her lack of identity, these little "sessions" were the only ties She had to who She used to be.

A being hidden by a black cloak and hood entered the cell. A hand emerged from the cloak and pressed against Her forehead. Snippets of what She knew to be Her own memories flashed through Her mind. They were manipulated, though, so She never knew what was real and what they made up to punish Her.

This time, the images started violently. She rode a horse through battle, killing everyone She could reach. There was blood everywhere, and She felt every blow on Her own body. The pain was crippling and took over Her entire being. Then a woman with short blonde hair stood in front of Her horse, calming her and easing the intense, overwhelming pain. The relief did not last long though. The next scene began and the pain intensified again. She felt it everywhere, beating down on Her and making Her chest feel like it was going to explode. This blonde woman brought comfort at first, but the images soon began to change. The woman was her enemy, her target at times and the one She was supposed to protect at others. Every time the woman died, by Her own hands or another's, the agony in Her chest grew and She called out to the nameless woman, begging her for forgiveness.

When the cloaked figure finally removed its hand and the pictures ended, She was left hanging on the wall by Her wrists. Her legs were too weak to support Her, and Her body ached unbelievably. She sobbed, wishing She hadn't done those horrible things and hoping that Her captors had invented these memories.

She didn't know how long She had hung there crying when another figure entered the cell. It was a young girl this time, dressed in a simple kimono. She knew this girl from somewhere, but She couldn't recall where.

"It's me, Akemi," the girl whispered.

She couldn't respond. The name triggered nothing in Her mind, and She just didn't have the strength to speak anymore.

"I know you can't remember, and I am sorry for tricking you into coming here. I have something to show you, though," Akemi said. She pressed her hand to Her head.

A new scene appeared in Her mind. The blonde woman from Her memories stood in front of two younger women in leathers and bird masks.

"Please remove your masks, Amazons," She heard the blonde woman say. They pushed their masks back behind their heads. One had blonde, curly hair and brown eyes. The taller one had long, dark hair in a braid and bright blue eyes. She looked very familiar, but there was nothing in Her mind that supplied a name. The blonde woman took a sharp breath when she saw the girls. She stepped towards the one with the blue eyes.

"Xena?" she whispered.

Akemi removed her hand. "You'll be free soon, Xena." She disappeared, leaving Her alone in the cell once more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Xena: Warrior Princess, so anything you recognize is not mine. If you don't recognize it (Dina, Karis, Gryta, etc.), then it is mine.
> 
> A/N: A little bit of classic Xena physics-defying in here.

Karis's confusion was evident on her face. "No, my name is Karis," she said, taking a step back from Gabrielle.

Gabrielle shook her head. "I'm sorry, it's just you- I mean, you're- I was shocked by how much you look like her." Karis was the spitting image of her lost soulmate.

"It's fine. I've been told my eyes are very similar in color to hers," Karis responded. Gryta stood next to her with her mouth agape and her eyes wide.

"You do have very similar eyes. It's not a very common color." _Just like being able to catch a chakram isn't a very common skill._

"Should we be on our way?" Karis asked, gesturing to the forest behind her. She was getting anxious to return to the village.

"Yes, just let me get my horse. I left him back aways when I heard you two in the trees," Gabrielle answered. She turned and disappeared into the forest.

Once Gabrielle was out of sight, Gryta punched Karis's arm. "She thinks you look like Xena!"

"Yeah, a lot of people think that. And what's up with not talking? Usually I can't get you to shut up."

"And you caught the chakram! How did you-"

"She's coming back," Karis interrupted her friend.

Gabrielle approached them again, this time leading a brown horse. "So I know your name, Karis. What's yours, Amazon?" Gabrielle asked, turning to Gryta.

"I- I'm, uh- I'm-"

"She's Gryta. She's usually quite chatty, but it appears she's too in awe to speak at the moment," Karis interrupted once more.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Gryta. There's no reason for you to be in awe of me, though," Gabrielle said. A slight bitterness could be heard in her voice.

Gryta managed to nod.

The trek back to the village was slower on foot, so Gabrielle filled the time by telling the younger women about her relatively uneventful trip from the Northern Amazons and describing some of the new things they were doing in that tribe. Karis responded in the right places, but once Gryta got over her shyness, she bombarded Gabrielle with questions about the Northern Amazons.

"Karis!"

Karis jumped at Gryta's voice. She had completely tuned out their conversation. "I'm sorry, I'm not much for talking. What did you say?"

Gabrielle gave her a sad smile. "It's okay, I was used to Xena tuning me out for a long time. I was just wondering how many weapons you're wearing."

"Oh, well, I have my bow and arrows, my sword, four daggers, and two sais right now. Sometimes I wear more daggers, and I usually carry chobos into battle," Karis responded, relieved that the question was one she could answer easily.

Gabrielle let out a low whistle. "That's quite a few. Why do you carry so many? Are you proficient with all of them?"

"I'm decent with everything, but archery and the chobos are my strong points. I would like more practice with my sais, though," Karis answered. She pulled a dagger out of her chest strap and cut away a branch in the path.

"Where did you learn to fight with sais?" Gabrielle asked as they continued on.

"A warrior from the east came through the village a year or two ago. He taught me the basics, but I haven't learned anything new since then."

"I would be happy to give you some lessons if you'd like some practice," Gabrielle offered. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Gryta's jaw drop.

"I would be honored, my Queen," Karis responded. "I thought you fought with a staff, though."

"I still do occasionally. I picked up the sais a few years ago, and I had some excellent teachers during my travels in the east," Gabrielle answered.

"Learning some new moves would be great," Karis said with a smile.

"What about you, Gryta? Which weapons do you prefer?" Gabrielle asked the uncharacteristically quiet blonde.

"I usually prefer my sword and a staff," Gryta answered. "I'm not half as good as Karis, though."

"Oh, please, that's not even true. You wouldn't be a weapons master apprentice if you weren't an excellent fighter," Karis adamantly replied.

Gabrielle's eyebrows rose. "You're a weapons master apprentice, Gryta?"

"Yes, we both are. We're healing apprentices too, but Karis prefers fighting and I prefer healing," Gryta answered sheepishly.

"That's wonderful. You two must be incredibly busy, apprenticing in two areas and keeping up with your other duties," Gabrielle commented.

"Yeah, but we love it. And promotions are coming up, so we'll only be in one job then," Karis replied.

They finally emerged from the forest just as Gabrielle wondered if they were going to reach the village before sundown. Immediately, they heard cries announcing Gabrielle's arrival. Children rushed to them, stumbling and hiding behind each other, to see the star of the legends. The older Amazons stood outside their huts, their fists pressed to their chests in a sign of respect.

"Girls, go back to your chores, please! Danae, go home and tell Mother that Gabrielle is here. No, you can see her later, now go, please!" a familiar voice called over the shouts of the children. A woman with long blonde curls pushed her way through the crowd of children. She finally made it through and approached the trio with her arms stretched out in front of her. "Gabrielle!"

"Ephiny!" Gabrielle greeted her friend with a smile. She hugged her before stepping back and observing her friend's protruding belly. "What number is this one?"

"Number three," Ephiny replied, beaming at Gabrielle.

"So things are going well with you and Eponin?" Gabrielle teased.

"Very," Ephiny answered. "Did Karis and Gryta welcome you?"

"Yes, they did. I was very impressed by these two," Gabrielle said, making Gryta blush and Karis roll her eyes at her best friend.

"Come on, the council is already meeting," Ephiny replied. "Thank you, girls, for bringing Gabrielle into the village. You may have the rest of the day off from your patrol duties."

Karis and Gryta bowed their heads and thanked Ephiny. After bowing to Gabrielle, they turned away and headed further into the village.  
Ephiny looped her arm through Gabrielle's and led her to the council meeting, away from the younger Amazons.

"So what did you really think of Gryta and Karis?" Ephiny asked.

"They are really something. Proper Amazons, for sure," Gabrielle said with a smile. "Gryta reminds me a little of myself when I was younger. And Karis, she's- well, she's-"

"She reminds you of Xena," Ephiny finished.

Gabrielle sighed. "I thought she was Xena for a moment when she took off her mask. You know, with all the weapons, and her eyes- I thought I was dreaming for a second."

"She does have a lot in common with Xena. She's a fantastic fighter, and she has the same desire to change the world," Ephiny said.

"I don't remember seeing Karis or Gryta here before. You'd think I'd remember a pair so much like Xena and I," Gabrielle mused.

"They weren't here when you visited last. Their mothers, Ilona and Damara, came to us soon after you left. Their tribe didn't have a proper weapons master, and both girls showed a lot of potential as warriors. We also needed healers, so Damara and Ilona chose to move here."

"So that's why the girls are apprenticing in both weapons and healing, their mothers are healers. That makes more sense," Gabrielle said.

"We don't let very many girls apprentice in multiple areas, but they both showed so much promise for healing and fighting that it seemed like a waste of talent to make them choose one," Ephiny explained as they approached the council hut. Ephiny lifted the door cover and ushered Gabrielle in.

 

* * *

 

 

"Karis, let's do something fun! Ephiny gave us the day off so we could do something for ourselves and not work for once," Gryta complained.  
Karis strode purposefully toward the armoury. "I am doing something fun. I'm going to fix some weapons and then I'm going to find someone to spar with."

"That is work, Karis," Gryta nagged, dragging her feet behind Karis. "And you just like winning the matches."

Karis turned and walked backwards. "Oh, you're just mad because I kicked your ass last time we sparred," she teased.

Gryta scowled. "It's not fair that you can do that backflip kick thing. Gets me every time."

"Well, I could teach you how to do it if you weren't such a baby about it," Karis retorted.

Gryta stuck her tongue out. "I'm not a baby about it."

"Oh, really," Karis replied with a laugh. As they reached the armoury, she gathered up the staffs leaning next to the door. "So are you going to help me or not?"

Gryta sighed and rolled her eyes. "I guess I'll help. But I'm not sparring with you."

Karis followed Gryta into the armoury and laughed at her friend. "Whatever you say, you big baby."

 

* * *

 

 

"I don't remember the last time I talked that much during a council meeting," Gabrielle said as she left the council hut.

"Well, you're queen again, and the tribe wants to make a lot of changes," Ephiny replied.

"Marga wanted to do some amazing things. Starting to teach the arts, restructuring the council, getting an actual school up and running for the kids; they're all going to do wonders for us. I just wish Marga was here to see it all through," Gabrielle sighed. She nodded to a group of young girls as she and Ephiny made their way through the village.

Ephiny smiled when she saw the girls bow immediately, a look of awe in their eyes. "It really is amazing, you know."

"What is?" Gabrielle asked.

"It's been six years since you were here last, and yet even the girls who aren't old enough to remember you understand just how special you are," Ephiny replied.

Gabrielle looked around. For the first time, she noticed that every Amazon she passed, regardless of age, stopped what they were doing and bowed their heads.

"They're bowing because I'm the queen," a dumbfounded Gabrielle said. "They're bowing because I'm queen and not because they pity me."

Ephiny smiled at her friend. "They don't just see your loss when they look at you. They see a strong, confident leader that has lost much but learns and grows from her experiences. You are not someone to be pitied, Gabrielle. You are someone to be respected and followed. You are the Queen of the Amazons, and you always will be, no matter what."

Gabrielle stared at Ephiny for a moment, then she threw her arms around her neck in a hug. "Thank you, Ephiny."

"There's no need to thank me, Gabrielle. I'm simply telling the truth," Ephiny replied.

"Thank you anyway. You're a good friend, Ephiny," Gabrielle said, releasing her friend.

"Yeah, well, this 'good friend' has a baby inside of her demanding a nap. You going to be okay until dinner?" Ephiny asked. One hand massaged her back while the other rested on her stomach.

"I'll be fine. Maybe I'll head over to the practice fields and see what these Amazons are capable of. You get your rest. I want my niece to be good and healthy," Gabrielle replied.

"Alright. Keep an eye out for Karis. You won't be disappointed," Ephiny said as she turned toward the living huts.

"I'll watch for her," Gabrielle called. She turned and started toward the practice fields. She had been told many times that a fighter was really good or that they wouldn't disappoint, but they almost inevitably did. It usually took Gabrielle less than a round of sparring with her staff to expose major flaws in her opponent's technique or a fatal weakness they couldn't compensate for. This was why Gabrielle was skeptical about Karis's abilities. She had never met someone who claimed to be competent with that many weapons that actually was, except for Xena.

As she approached the practice fields, Gabrielle noticed they were all in use. The first three hosted classes for Amazons of varying ages. The youngest group was working on staff techniques, while the older groups were rotating between sword drills and archery. On the fourth field, a lone Amazon was moving through a drill sequence with her chobos. Smiling, Gabrielle grabbed a sturdy staff from the side of the armoury and tested its balance before she headed to the fourth field.

Gabrielle stood at the side of the field and watched Karis for a few moments. She moved with incredible grace and strength, and her focus never wavered. She never rushed her movements, making sure she hit each form exactly.

Once Gabrielle felt she had a good sense for Karis's technique, she held up her staff and called out, "You want to fight?"

Startled, Karis spun and dropped to one knee. "My Queen, I didn't see you there."

"Oh, get up. While I appreciate the gesture, that's a little overkill," Gabrielle said as she walked onto the field.

"Of course, my Queen," Karis said, rising to her feet.

"Call me Gabrielle please. Now, you want to spar, or are we just going to talk about it?" Gabrielle asked. She raised her staff and assumed a fighting stance.

Karis grinned. "Let's fight."

Gabrielle started circling Karis, forcing her into a defensive position. She gave Karis a few light taps, which she deflected easily. She aimed for what were normally weak spots for young Amazons: they small of her back, behind the knees, the hip farthest from Gabrielle. Karis quickly realized what Gabrielle was doing and started returning the blows. Gabrielle blocked most of them, but a well-placed hit to her shoulder made contact with a crack. She smirked as she rounded on Karis before launching a full attack.

In a flurry of movement, they hit each other blow-for-blow. Neither woman could get more than a few hits on the other until Gabrielle knocked one of Karis's chobos to the ground. Grinning, Karis tossed her remaining chobo between her hands. She knew she didn't have time to retrieve the one Gabrielle had knocked out, but she had trained for this. She let Gabrielle get a couple hits on her legs, maintaining her balance as Gabrielle tried to knock her down. Karis blocked her midsection as Gabrielle made her way to her head.

Finally, Gabrielle made her move. As she swung her staff toward Karis's head, Karis blocked the end of the staff with her chobo and grabbed the middle of the staff with her free hand. She flung herself into a flip over her opponent, yanking the staff out of Gabrielle's hand as she flipped. Karis landed behind Gabrielle and swept the staff around her body, knocking into the back of Gabrielle's knees. Gabrielle twisted and landed on her back with a grunt. As soon as she hit the ground, Karis put the end of the staff on Gabrielle's chest, pinning her. They stayed that way for a moment and tried to catch their breath. Karis removed the staff and held out a hand to help Gabrielle up.

A round of applause rose from the edge of the field as Gabrielle stood. All three classes from the other fields and many other Amazons had gathered to watch their queen spar with Karis. Gabrielle nodded to the crowd and the Amazons started to disperse.

"By the gods, Karis," Gabrielle said as she turned to face the young woman.

"Surprised?" Karis asked. She tossed the staff back to Gabrielle and retrieved her stray chobo.

"You could say that," Gabrielle replied. "I haven't fought like that in years, and I don't think anyone as young and inexperienced as you has ever beaten me when I fought with a staff."

Karis's face darkened. "Thanks, but I'm not exactly inexperienced."

"You've been in battle already."

"Yes. I've been fighting since I was old enough to walk."

They started the walk back to the armoury in silence. A few moments passed before Gabrielle spoke again. "You were there when Marga died?"

Karis nodded. "Yes. Varia, Marga's adopted daughter, was killed less than fifteen paces away from me. Marga attacked the man that killed her, but one of his buddies stabbed her in the back before I could cover her."

"Karis, it wasn't your fault. It was a battle, there was no way you could have stopped it."

"Even though my head knows that, it's taking a lot longer to convince my heart."

"You're too young to have seen death like that, Karis."

"I've been on the front lines since I was fourteen. It wasn't the first time I'd seen one of my sisters die and it won't be the last. I'm a good fighter, Gabrielle. My hands are not clean."

"Neither are mine, Karis, but killing changes you. Don't let it destroy you. Fight for the greater good, not vengeance. Don't kill unless necessary. Think of the people you're helping when you fight, and not the people that are dying around you."

Karis sighed. "That's what I try to teach my sword skills classes. But teaching them to fight for the greater good and actually fighting are totally different. Especially when it comes to killing someone."

"All we can do is teach them, Karis. Teach them and hope that they never have to make that choice," Gabrielle replied. She watched as Karis gathered the rest of her weapons and slung her scabbard and her bow over her shoulder.

"Why do you carry so many weapons? It's not like you can use them all at once," Gabrielle inquired.

Karis shrugged and said, "I like to be creative in a fight."

Gabrielle froze. That was what Xena told her when she caught her using their frying pan as a weapon. With those eyes, catching the chakram, the fighting skills, and the other likenesses, Karis was eerily similar to Xena. She had never even met Xena. It was a coincidence. It had to be, didn't it?  
Karis was walking away when she realized Gabrielle wasn't with her. She turned and shouted to Gabrielle. "You coming to dinner? Even queens need to eat."

Shaking off her surprise, Gabrielle responded, "Yeah, I'm coming." She joined Karis and headed to the dining hut.

 

* * *

 

 

After eating with Gryta and their mothers, Karis headed back to her hut. Gryta had tried to convince her to come to a bonfire, but the sparring session with Gabrielle left Karis exhausted. The whole day exhausted her.

It was one hell of a day. A normal patrol shift had turned into catching a chakram, meeting one of the most highly regarded Amazon queens, sparring with her, winning, and some very, very strange visions.

The visions. Karis thought about them as she lay on her bed. They had clearly been memories of someone's life, and since she was sure Gabrielle was the blonde woman she saw, that meant the other woman was Xena.

Karis had heard her whole life that she bore a remarkable resemblance to the famed woman, but she didn't have any connection to Xena, so why did she see those pieces of her life? Did they mean something? What was she supposed to do about them?

Gabrielle might know something about the visions. _That wouldn't be awkward at all. "Hey, Gabrielle, I had some visions about your dead soulmate and now I know things I never wanted to know about you." That would go over really well, Karis thought. I just met the woman, and everyone knows you don't ask her about Xena. She'd probably get pretty pissed if I asked._

Realizing that she wasn't going to get any answers anytime soon, Karis resolved to keep the visions to herself for now. If she still had questions in a couple days, she would ask her mother what she should do. Her mother always had an answer for these kinds of things. Right now, though, all Karis wanted was a good night's sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

When the dining hut began to empty, Gabrielle remained at a table with Ephiny and Eponin. They had spent the last few hours introducing Gabrielle to the newer Amazons and planning the coronation. Now that most of the tribe had left for the evening, the three women finally had time to catch up.

"So when am I going to meet my niece?" Gabrielle asked.

"Tomorrow. Danae is so excited to finally meet her famous Aunt Gabrielle," Ephiny replied with a smile.

"I'm excited to meet her too. How old is she now?"

"Almost six. And every bit as stubborn as her mother," Eponin answered, giving Ephiny a nudge with her elbow.

"And Xenan? How is he doing with the centaurs?"

Ephiny beamed at Gabrielle with pride. "He's doing very well. He's well on his way to becoming a fine warrior. His caretaker brings him to visit pretty often, but with the recent battles, they've been training twice as hard. He probably won't be able to visit again until this little one is born." She patted her belly. Eponin gently laid a hand over Ephiny's.

"How was your time with the Northern Amazons?" Eponin asked.

"It was okay. I served on their council, so I helped out a little, but I mostly just fought in their battles," Gabrielle said. "I spent a lot of time grieving."

Ephiny took Gabrielle's hands. "Xena would be happy that you're leading the tribe again. She'd be proud of the changes you're going to make here."

Gabrielle sighed and shook her head. "I know, Ephiny, but it doesn't make it any easier. I keep expecting her to be on the practice fields giving lessons to the younger girls. During dinner, I kept looking at that back corner because she hated when I had to plan anything not battle-related and she could keep an eye on me from there, but the girls she taught would sit with her and ask her thousands of questions, and I would sit here and watch her get more and more annoyed. Then later, I would sit at the table in our hut and write in my scrolls while she put her weapons away for the night and stretched. I would tell her about whatever I was planning, and even though she hated planning, she always had the best advice for me. Then she would complain about being annoyed at dinner, and I would remind her that she loved teaching those girls. She'd agree, then she'd pull me into bed and kiss me. She'd never admit it, but she could never stay awake until I fell asleep. That was my favorite part of the day because the only time she was ever completely at peace was just after she fell asleep before her dreams came to her, and I would just watch her sleep. For those moments, she wasn't the fierce warrior the world perceived her as. She was just Xena, and no one ever saw her like that except for me. And now, I have to go to that same hut and that same bed and know that I'm never going to listen to her complain about her day again and I'm never going to see her at peace again."

Tears streamed down Gabrielle's face. She was desperately trying to hold herself together, but she was failing miserably. She squeezed Ephiny's hands tightly and wished that she could go back to the day Xena pulled her up on to Argo just outside Potidaea.

"Gabrielle, it's good to remember those times with Xena. But you also have to remember what she did by dying. She helped those souls reach their states of grace, and so did she. There is no other way she would've wanted to die, and now she's in her state of grace, at peace, just like you saw her. I'm sure she hears every time you think of her and I know she knows how much you love her," Ephiny said, trying to comfort her friend.

"I hope you're right, Ephiny," Gabrielle replied. _I hope she's right, Xena._

* * *

The most astonishing thing about this place was the silence. After they finished torturing Her, a guard would release Her from the restraints and She would collapse to the floor. She would cry and scream out in pain as the guard tried to force Her to stand and walk. He would yank on Her arms to try to force Her up until Her shoulders were nearly dislocated. When he grew tired of Her screams, the guard would drag Her by the hair and toss Her into the back of Her cell. As soon as the door slammed shut, She was surrounded by the silence. No footsteps from the patrols, no breathing to indicate other captives nearby, not even the drops of water that leaked through the stones made a sound. Normally, She would curl up in the corner and force Herself to sleep. They never let Her keep the memories they showed Her, so what else could She do? She had no reason to exist, and yet She couldn't kill Herself to escape this torture because She was already dead.

This time was different. That girl had come to Her and said something. What was it? Her memory of the girl was growing dimmer. She hugged Her sore arms to Her chest and grasped at the memory.

The girl was sorry for something. She couldn't remember what, but She remembered the apologetic look in the girl's eyes. The girl had shown Her something then. It wasn't Her own memory, She knew that much. It was still clear in Her mind. Three women stood in the woods. The one without the mask seemed familiar. She had called the other women Amazons and told them to take off their masks. She obviously had a good deal of authority over the masked women, and she held herself as such.

When the Amazons pushed their masks back, though, the blonde woman seemed to collapse into herself. A flurry of emotions crossed her face as she stepped towards the dark-haired Amazon. First, recognition and elation, then anger and confusion, and finally, deep, irreversible sadness. The blonde woman had clearly thought this Amazon was someone else for a moment before she realized the Amazon couldn't possibly be who she though she was.

The blonde woman's grief rolled off her as she reached out to the younger Amazon, whose confusion was plain in her clear blue eyes.

"Xena?" the woman had whispered. That's who she thought the girl was? Xena?

The name felt familiar to Her. It felt comfortable, like the one who wore it as their own name was confident and strong. It felt like it belonged to someone who felt and loved deeply and would never let anything hurt the people she loved. It felt like someone who never gave up and fought for what was right. It belonged to someone that had been through a lot but had found a reason to go on.

What was it that the girl said before she left Her in the cell? "You'll be free soon, Xena." That name again. Was it possible that it was Her own name? The Lord of the Living had stripped Her of Her self, Her identity, Her memories when She came to this hell. If the girl was right and it was Her name, why did she tell Her now? And what did that mean, She'd "be free soon"? There was no way out of here. And She was dead, so what could She do if She did somehow escape? Float around whatever underworld She came to, never really knowing who She was?

Even so, what was the harm in having a name? She had nothing to lose here, and Xena was a good name. She might forget it the next time they tortured Her, but at least for now She could have something of Her own.

"Xena," She whispered with what little voice She had. "I am Xena."

The next thing she knew, she was thrown flat on her back. Memory after memory flooded her mind. Growing up in Amphipolis with her mother and brothers, the day Lyceus died, her rampages through Greece. Meeting Caesar, being pulled off the cross by M'Lila. Sweeping across the world to Chin with Borias by her side. Lao Ma's invaluable lessons that she wouldn't understand until much later. Meeting Akemi in Japa. Returning to Greece, seeing Borias die trying to reach her, giving her child to Kaleipus. For a while then, a constant state of pain and war, until she came to a small village in Greece.

Gabrielle. The woman Akemi had shown her. The light of her life. After she met Gabrielle, everything was brighter. Even when Solan died, she could never completely go back to her evil self because of Gabrielle. She remembered every battle, every fight with Gabrielle by her side. She remembered every time they had loved each other the most vividly, though. Even when they were blind to it, it was there, in the touches and glances they shared. Later, it was in their words, it was there when they made love, and it was there when they were simply together. She had been right; the name Xena belonged to someone who loved deeply and had been though much but had found a reason to fight, to live.

"I am Xena," she whispered once more. She knew these memories were real, unaltered events from her life.

And Gabrielle. She remembered everything. The first time she saw Gabrielle, the first time she held her, kissed her, every time they made love. She remembered it all. Suddenly, she knew she had to get out of here. She needed to know if Gabrielle was okay, where she was, what she was doing, who the Amazons she was with were. She needed to get out _now_.

She gathered up every ounce of strength she could and forced herself to stand. Her legs felt like someone had removed the bones and set her nerves on fire, but she willed them to support her just this once. She thought about the torture, what they had forced her to endure. Anger welled up in her chest, giving her strength. As the rage built, she backed up to the wall behind her and ran at the bars at the front of her cell. She threw her tired and broken body at the bars, shaking them with all her strength. The noise rang out into the silence and she screamed.

"I know who I am, oh Lord of the Living! I am Xena of Amphipolis, daughter of Cyrene and sister of Lyceus and Toris! I am Xena, Warrior Princess and Destroyer of Nations! I am Xena, mother of Solan and soulmate of Gabrielle!" she screamed. She smiled as she though of Solan and Gabrielle, the lights of her life.

"Why have you trapped me here? I helped you reach your state of grace! Where is mine? What have I done to make you torture me like this?

"I will get out of here," she yelled. "I will see Gabrielle again. You can't keep us apart! Nothing can keep us apart!"

She threw herself at the bars and screamed over and over again until her body was covered in bruises and her throat burned. She didn't stop, though, until the guards came to her cell, threw the door open, and dragged her out and down the corridor. It was still as silent as ever, interrupted only by Xena's screams as they dragged her away.

"I love you, Gabrielle! I will find you! I'm coming home to you, Gabrielle…"

 

* * *

 

 

Karis jerked awake, sitting straight up in her bed. "No, no, no, no, no, no, this can't be real," she mumbled, scrubbing her face with her hands. This dream, it didn't mean anything. She was dead, she couldn't be in Karis's dreams.

Karis ripped her blankets off her bed and jumped to her feet. She ran out of the hut into the village.

"Mother!"


End file.
